Tuesday, November 01, 2005

This Morning I thought I lost my Thesis but instead I lost my faith

This morning I thought I lost my thesis, but instead I lost my faith. After some massive file transfers and syncing my new PDA/phone with the laptop, somehow, my thesis work was lost, stripped of footnotes and restored into a new file. For a while I thought I had lost some pretty valuable work I had done yesterday. I groaned out loud, searched the harddrive frantically, occasionally considering the rather self-reliant way I was going about "restoration". This flustery faith-forgetting activity pushed we away from the object of my faith, Christ. Instead of pausing, acknowlegding God's sovereignty and asking for his help, I plowed into thesis restoration and recovery without an ounce of faith. So many things in life are done that way. Of course, you cant really pray without ceasing but you can constantly live trusting God. Little things like this event this morning can undermine my trust in ways bigger than I think. This kind of do it yourself, don't pray or trust God activity tends to snowball and before you know it you missed half a dozen devotions, are cold-hearted in worship, and cant figure out why. The small things matter. They are opportunities to trust in the Lord our God, to show off his sufficiency in thesis loss or restoration, having something or having nothing. I want to give Him glory for slowing me down enough to think about this and to ask, God, that you would help me trust you in the small things more, give me soul-stirring trust and intimacy with you, even when I think I've lost my thesis. Continue the work of restoration in my life, of restoring me to the image of my Creator. Don't let me lose my faith over such petty things or at all. Increase my faith, Father.


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